anger (like hot coals)
by tsuguhas
Summary: they are biting words, scalding the skin of those they are thrown at. — modern au, angry!reylo [rated t for fighting]


**summary:** they are biting words, scalding the skin of those they are thrown at. — modern au, angry!reylo

* * *

 _"holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - siddhartha gautama buddha  
_

* * *

they are exhausted.

rey has been working three jobs just to collect enough for rent. ben only has one job and an unpaid side internship, and his money barely makes enough to get decent food to put in their stomachs. rarely does either of them get any sleep. it is painful and they both despise their current life, but there's nothing they can do. nothing but carry on, heads held high with grace. rey loves ben, and ben loves rey; and for a while, they are content to fool themselves into believing that will be enough.

but they are _exhausted._

and one day, when rey has news; hell rears its head.

"hey," she murmurs one night while getting ready for her job at the department store down the street. he looks at her, cutting his chicken into minuscule pieces. "hey yourself."

"i've got something to tell you. is there any way you could wait up for me tonight?" he chews slowly.

"why not just tell me now?" he asks, swallowing.

rey fastens her nametag. she refuses to meet his gaze. "it's a serious discussion that i think requires some more time, and i have to leave in t-minus twelve minutes, love." he nods.

"okay, okay. i will do as you so ask, miss." she offers a wan smile before snatching her keys and purse. "i'll see you tonight, then." he salutes her before forking more chicken into his mouth.

* * *

rey comes home and throws her keys onto the counter. her feet hurt, and she's cranky — her general manager, hux armitage, is a lascivious idiot who also happens to be a control freak. the two together makes for an awful combination, but rey knows if she says anything about him to _anyone_ ; she will lose her job at the department store. and she can't afford that.

a light is still on in the living room, and rey rounds the corner with a freshly opened can of sprite. there is her husband, sitting on the couch. she feels warmth bloom in her chest. he actually waited up for her. _you wonderful man, you._

then she gets closer.

he's _asleep._ disgust contorts her face. she is suddenly deeply angry. angry at hux, for being a pervert. angry at her husband, for his inability to do the _one_ thing she requests. angry at herself, for putting up with everything she shouldn't have to.

"ben!" she yells, shaking him. his eyes flutter open. panic creases his face. "sorry, rey. i was trying to stay awake by watching some tv, and —"

"i suppose you grabbed a beer to _'help stay awake'_ too, hm?" she snaps; gesturing to the empty bottle next to him.

he frowns. "did you have a bad night at work?"

"i _always_ have a bad night there. i work with a degenerate control freak. what did you expect?"

he's growing agitated. _good,_ she thinks.

"look, i'm sorry, alright? but i'm tired too. we both work a lot —"

"oh, please, you have _one_ job and an unpaid internship. you never even pay attention to me."

he smirks mirthlessly. "please, go ahead and make this about you. you always find a way to." she snorts. "wow. you think _i'm_ self-involved? have you _checked_ the mirror recently? well, probably," she sneers. his jaw tightens. "sorry i'm busy trying to pave our future while you're flirting with your superiors."

she sucks her teeth. "oh my actual _god._ you think i'm hot for armitage? wow. low blow. maybe i'll move in with him, and maybe i'll just take our daughter with us," comes her final snarl. it's mocking and fast, but the revelation cuts deep. he recovers quickly.

"i'd like to see you try. that'd be rich. what do _you_ know about parenting?"

rey draws in a deep breath before lunging at him, hands out to punch. he catches her wrists immediately. his wife's taken a couple of self-defense classes, but she's nothing compared to him. he'd grown up with a karate instructor for a father.

rey's shrieking and crying and she's fallen slack in his grip and he's clutching her face in his hands. tears have formed in his eyes and she's gasping for breath and cursing at him. he leans down and presses his mouth to hers, hard and hot. she melts, her hands gripping his sides as more sobs rack her sides. the kiss is soft and sweet and apologetic for the words they've said.

"shh." her cries quiet to snuffles, and guilt is sticking to the roof of his mouth like glue.

they stay like this for another couple of hours.

neither of them goes into work the next day.

* * *

their daughter is named esperanza; anza for short. she grows into a healthy toddler with ben's hair and rey's eyes. ben has graduated from internship and now works for his uncle at one of the biggest conglomerates in the country. rey has since quit the department store. she files for harassment not long after quitting. (ben may or may not have poured ice-cold, blue-raspberry slushie down hux's shirt.)

she now works at a popular local eatery, making $15.95 an hour.

their life is still rocky. things are still not perfect.

but they are better.

and ben and rey are okay with that.

* * *

 **additional notes:** why do i do angst, i ask myself. why do i do this. ive gotta go get a tissue


End file.
